I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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