ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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