Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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