i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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