lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
