i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
