In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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