at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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