MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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