Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
