She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's always time for handjobs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
