She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
