remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
