Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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