i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
