dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
