I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
either way he was missing a nipple.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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