she woke up with a sticky ear
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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