Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was CRYING into my vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
