I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize