Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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