shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
