Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my poor anus
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
