I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
