so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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