he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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