One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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