I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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