I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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