I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
