i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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