Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
