I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
