what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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