More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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