fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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