Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
