i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
