you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
