you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
