You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
