Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
