Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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