i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This baby is an asshole
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize