I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
