no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
