Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
