I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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