somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
