I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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