Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's shark week go big or go home
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
