you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
