in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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