i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
