Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
