Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
