so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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