Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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