I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
