Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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