i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
