the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
