the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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