Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
