So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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