then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
