His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize