East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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