You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
