He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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