was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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